Speaker 1: 0:07

Hello, luminous beings, joy with Vibology. Here I am still in bed recuperating and resting and recovering and healing from my foot surgery, but I'm not letting that stop me from making my weekly recordings. So here I am. I get asked the following questions a lot, and I want to address them this week on my personal podcast episode because they're very important, and one of them is how do I stop self-sabotaging, how do I know what I really want, how do I know who my true self is, what is my authentic self and how do I find it? These are really common questions, and so I'm going to share here what I've come to understand and realize and believe. The authentic self is how to access it, how to stop self-sabotaging, how to allow yourself to grow and embody more of who you are, who you truly are, and how to do that. So the first thing that I want to say about this is, when we were little, we all developed what I have called the OW, the original wound. There's a lot of different names for this, but I call it the ow, and this is something that happened that made you feel criticized, attacked, put down, made fun of for being who you are. So when you're a child. You are in a theta brainwave state on a constant basis, and this is the brainwave state that we go into in meditation, when we're in creativity, when we step into flow, when we are highly suggestible, in hypnotic states, trance states. You're in theta. And so imagine that you're constantly, just always, in this theta brainwave state and somebody comes along and they put you down, they criticize you and remember that we were raised by unhealed people. I mean, like we live now in the best time for healing because everybody talks about it, but back in our parents' time there wasn't this and nobody talked about it. And so you're raised by these people who don't know what they're doing either and they're just passing on patterns and generational trauma from their own belief systems. So we have this ow from their own belief systems, so we have this ow.

Speaker 1: 2:49

And here's what I want to say about the ow. Dr Peter Levine said trauma is not what happens to you, but what you hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness. So something happens. Your feelings are profoundly hurt, and this isn't just hurt feelings of someone calling you a name. This is the feeling of being ridiculed and judged and put down for being who you are, that there's something wrong with you, and so you judge this part of yourself as being something wrong with you.

Speaker 1: 3:21

Children who are criticized criticize themselves and this self-critical part of you gets developed and locks away this true part of yourself. I'm going to say what this true part of yourself is in a few minutes in this little talk here. But for now you've locked away this little true part of yourself and instead you start copycatting, modeling, coping, putting on masks of conditioning to fit into your tribe, whether that's with your family, whether that's in your religion, whether that's in your church, whether that's in your schooling, wherever it is, we put on these masks of conditioning to fit in, and that mask of conditioning is going to completely depend upon how you handle stress personally, fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Stress personally, fight, flight, freeze or fawn, or a combination of those four things. So how that might look as a child showing up fight. Obviously you're in a fight. These are kids who? These are the kids who are bullies, bullying other children, bullied children, bully children. You have flee. These are the people who just run away. Run away and hide, freeze. These are the people who just lock up, they stop talking, they just shut down and then fawn are people who put on the mask of the chameleon. I'm just going to blend in with whoever's around me so that they don't notice me, or it could be a combination, like I said, of all of those.

Speaker 1: 5:10

So you have these coping mechanisms that you go through your whole life with now, and then you get to be of a certain age where you start missing this authentic part of yourself. You feel like something is wrong now with you and you don't know what it is. And what's wrong with you is that you've judged the truest part of yourself as being what's wrong with you instead of freeing it. But you don't know that. We don't know that because these are unconscious agreements. These are unconscious decisions that we've made when we were children, that we had no idea. We made this agreement. I had no idea. I made an agreement with myself to hide my light so that I wouldn't upset anybody around me, or that there's something wrong with that light. It wasn't even so I wouldn't upset. It was that my light upsets people. There's something wrong with me. Do you see that difference in thought? And I agree that this is wrong part of myself. So I'm never going to show my light, which means I'm going to go through my whole life hiding it, giving my power away.

Speaker 1: 6:14

So fast forward to adulthood, you find yourself self-sabotaging. You find yourself super successful, but you're miserable and you don't know why. You find yourself realizing that you have done nothing, but do what everybody else expected of you your whole life. Or you find that you've just gotten nowhere. You have somehow just stayed stuck for 20 years doing the same thing and you don't know how to get out of it, except knowing that you're not happy and you've wasted a lot of time. How to get out of it except knowing that you're not happy and you've wasted a lot of time?

Speaker 1: 6:55

So what I really believe the authentic self to be, and all healing, is the reclaiming of our authentic self. There's a multi-billion dollar industry built on seeking, on seekers, people seeking, and all that they're seeking is this authentic self that they themselves locked away inside of themselves. And this is coming from my own personal experience. This is what I've discovered and uncovered in my work. So now we're just going to go into a little bit of my own downloads and insights, downloads and insights and what I believe, how we work in this body. Like what is this?

Speaker 1: 7:38

So we have the creator. We have the creator, the creator source, the source of all creation, and within that source of all creation, it decided it wanted to experience itself. It noticed that it was a thing. So let's say, like right now, that source is the ocean. So you have this vast sea, and then this vast sea decided it wanted to experience itself as being separate from itself itself, as being separate from itself, and so it created the awareness of each drop of water, to become aware of itself as a drop of water and be aware it's also the sea. So that little drop of water can now really have a good time going. Oh my gosh, I'm all of this and I'm just this aware that I'm just this. And then that drop of water.

Speaker 1: 8:35

Because things fractalize in the universe, in the world of sacred geometry, you reach that point of the coincidence, point where a new branch is ready to explode, and so this part of us, this quantum particle of self, the drop of water, is called the nafsha in the Aramaic language, and that's the word for soul. It's spelled N-A-P-H-S-H-A, and the nafsha is more than just the soul, though, because the nafsha is really the transducer that exists in the field, that supplies you with information, ideas and life force, energy, ideas are the currency of the universe and they drop into the receiver to be manifested. And you, the body, is the receiver. So your body, I was told in a download, is an event frozen in time that's holding a particular set of frequencies, and so we distill that as human design, as our astrology, as our sacred path, which is your numerology, as our soul contracts. We have our I don't know. There's a million ways to dissect this frozen event in time called you and who you are. And it's not who you are, it's who you're designed as it's all of the equipment, if you will.

Speaker 1: 10:12

You came installed with your gifts, your talents, your abilities, your interests. The equipment, if you will, you came installed with your gifts, your talents, your abilities, your interests, your personality. These all came pre-programmed, just like buying a car. You buy your car and then you're like all right, what can this thing do? But of its own accord, your car doesn't have any interest in driving itself, and that's the same. The same is true of the body. Without the animating life force, intelligence, flowing in this vehicle, this vessel of expression, I wouldn't go anywhere, I wouldn't do anything, and neither would you. So our nafsha is the information, the life force, energy piece that flows through us and animates the body.

Speaker 1: 10:56

Now, because we are a fractalization of this consciousness, we also have free will in this body itself. Just this can think it's real, it can think that it's it, and it's no different than, let's say, if you have a self-driving car, like here in Arizona. We have those Waymos driving around everywhere. We've got these self-driving cars. But imagine that if the self-driving car decided that it wanted to drive itself. So now, instead of having a passenger in the back seat, imagine the Waymo self-driving car decides I want to go out to the open road and I want to open myself up and go as fast as I can and I want to open up my sunroof and I want to turn on my radio as loud as I can and I want to go see the Grand Canyon. Imagine if the car had the free will to do that. And we do.

Speaker 1: 11:53

We have that free will and once we go along in our life and we're living as this conditioned self that thinks it's real, that carries its wounding that came from others and the wounding we did to ourself unconsciously, that we can turn the will, we can decide like, oh, all of these, this driving I'm doing doesn't have any point. I need somebody to drive me, or what's the point? I'm just running around. And so we re-institute, we recall our nafsha. So then we start working backwards from where we are now as adults to unprogram and unlearn and uncondition, decondition ourselves. And that's every single tool and practice I have, that's what I do, that's what I teach people to do, Because once again, once we work backwards and we access our nafsha again and we use our will to allow our higher, more wiser part of ourself, our quantum aspect of ourself, to be the consciousness that animates the intelligence of the body.

Speaker 1: 13:07

And within us we have, aside from our personality, we have our deep self, which our deep self is the part of us that mirrors our nausia. It's inside of us, and within the deep self is the seat of light, and this little seat of light is the heart of the creator, and that's where we want to get back to, because that's the energy that we lived from and that we were attuned to. And that's where we want to get back to, because that's the energy that we lived from and that we were attuned to and that we were playing with when we were children, before we decided it was wrong. We've all just self-judged ourselves. And so it's through practicing, being very present in the present moment, through exercises that bring you into flow.

Speaker 1: 13:58

And I have a beautiful acronym for flow that I just came up with the other day that I really loved, and it is F is for follow, follow the energy, l is for listen Listen to your intuition, listen for those nudges, listen for what's next, listen to your painting, listen to your body, listen to the music, whatever it's listening, deep listening. O is openness. You just be open without judgment, and then the W is witnessing, and then the W is witnessing that you're not in judgment, you're in witnessing, you're just noticing, you're just bearing witness. And you just stay in that flow where you follow, listen, open Witness, follow, listen, open witness, follow, listen, open witness. And this is how you constantly stay in the flow state. And the flow state can only happen in the present moment.

Speaker 1: 15:01

And when you're operating in the flow state, you are right at that razor's edge of the present moment where now you're feeling it, you're experiencing what I'm talking about. You're experiencing a higher power, something else flowing through you, in you, as you creating through you. How many books, poems, paintings, movies, pieces of music plays of music plays. So much has been brought through in that state of flow where every single artist will say I didn't do it, it wasn't me, something flowed through me. It was more like I was a channel for it. And I think this is what Yeshua was talking about when he would say not I, but the Father flows through me, in me, as me I'm not doing it. He was in such a high vibrational state of flow, accessing a different dimension of reality, and that's what we can do as well.

Speaker 1: 16:16

It's a matter of activating your body, which is a spiritual technology, a spiritual intelligence, that when we get out of the way, when we heal that part of ourself that we judged to be wrong with us or that we fear it and for me it's a deep, intense fearing of it and that I'm honestly still working through at this moment and by working through I mean just sitting with the feeling of it, having been exposed to it that it just feels like an energy that's taking up space in my heart, of this fear of my own self, fear of my own light, fear of my own power, which had me give it away my whole life and then feel powerless. So interesting how you go through life right. It's like I've given my, I've hidden the best part of my way of myself away, and I'm going to go searching for it now, but I don't know what it is. And that's what we're all seeking. Is this return, this restoration, this reunion of our body-mind-self with our divine self? Because they're not separate. The separation is a complete illusion. Separate, the separation is a complete illusion. And we are a drop on the drop of water, thinking it's real and we are real and we do matter, and there's that and it's all.

Speaker 1: 17:52

And the healing work is the reclaiming, the restoring, the reunion, the reunion with the self that you weren't allowed to be. And you weren't allowed to be it because you yourself judged yourself for it and you put up these protective walls and mechanisms and barriers to it. And so the way to access it now, without doing all the therapy which, yes, you can go and do all those talk, therapies and talk things and mental things and workshops and retreats and all those things, go, do all those things if you want to. But there is a faster way, and that is to bypass all of the logical stuff that the brain wants to dissect and it wants to know why, why, why, why, why, why, why? The brain's favorite question is why? And instead we can say a true statement, which is that what other people did had nothing to do with us, it was their own stuff and I can forgive them for that. And we can do some forgiveness processes, have beautiful forgiveness work, but the harder part is forgiving yourself. And now I'm like, oh, I forgive myself for hurting myself this way, for hiding this true part of myself away, and you tap into that true self, you feel that true self in present moment practices.

Speaker 1: 19:23

And present moment practices are exactly what I teach at Bibology, or facilitate. Rather, I don't teach anything. We talk about the intention at the beginning of each class, because intention is everything. Intention is what collapses something from being a potential or a possibility into a potential or a potential, into a possibility, whichever one makes more sense, and we express that in the present moment. So we come into these places of play, present moment play, through my process of soluminous, through the process of drumming circles with women, through the process of sacred singing circles, through expressive art. These are all really powerful classes that I do at Vibology and they're all rooted and grounded not only in neuroscience and the healing science of somatic work, body work, but they're also really deeply rooted in the realm of the mystical, in these invisible forces that rule our lives. And I know that the more that I dedicate myself to practice, the more that I can take that practice. The awareness I gain in my practices of what it feels like to be in flow, of what it feels like to self-regulate, of what it feels like to tap and tune into true joy that comes from my authentic self, that I can now take that vibration out into the world.

Speaker 1: 21:07

Now, why is that going to make a difference? Because all healing work is reclaiming the self we weren't allowed to be, and all healing work as adults is coherent field. Our whole purpose is to be a coherent field. We are a coherent field when we are in alignment. When we are in alignment, so coherence is really powerful because when your heart, mind and body are in harmony, you align with your divine design and source.

Speaker 1: 21:47

Coherence is not a state you occasionally achieve. It's your natural state of being. It's who you are beneath all of the conditioning. And coherence happens when all parts of you your thoughts, emotions and your rhythms, your physical rhythms, are in sync. It's the alignment that brings clarity, flow and creativity into your life. I just wrote that this morning on my Instagram and I wanted to share it verbatim. That's what coherence is Everything's working together in harmony in your life. And so, when your field is coherent, you're radiating and broadcasting your energy out and science shows that it's about three to four feet and so you're really literally radiating this energetic field out into the quantum field. We all share the collective consciousness, our present moment, awareness to stay in flow, to become so present that we aren't operating from the conditioned self. We are operating from our authentic self, our coherent self, and this authentic self, this coherent self, only shows up in the present moment. If you're not present, then you're operating from conditioning. We're being in reactivity mode instead of creativity mode. Same exact letters Reactivity, creativity, reactor, creator, react, create. And so that's really where the invitation for our work is in 2025.

Speaker 1: 23:36

Going forward is this deep embodiment, the doing the work to bring yourself present, doing the work to heal. Say that, that I get to do the work in this lifetime to heal, because all timelines exist everywhere. Everything is right now, and that's a deeper conversation for a different day. Well, you don't need to get into that right now. In fact, I might even delete that because it might be confusing, but this is our invitation for our this embodiment work. And why? Because information is everywhere. We are in the age I feel like the age of information is coming and going like that really fast and we're going to move into the age of spirituality because people are realizing and recognizing that creating and manifesting from the conditioned self, the ego. Even if you achieve all the success in the world, you'll still feel like something's missing, you'll still feel like there's something wrong, you'll still feel like it's not enough, because the part that you're looking for, the thing that you are looking for, is deep inside of you. And that's why I love giving these practices, so people can have direct experience rather than me talking about it.

Speaker 1: 25:12

One of the things I used to say in teaching mindfulness in corporate America was I would hold up an apple and I would say if you've never eaten an apple before, I can take a bite of this apple and I can describe what this apple is like from my experience of the apple. But until you bite into the apple yourself, you're only going to have some idea of what I'm talking about based on your own lens of perception, and you'll never actually know what the apple tastes like for yourself. So you have to bite the apple and that's what my classes offer are the apple. Have the experience, have direct experience so you know, so that you can take it out with you into the rest of the world. And when things start to hit the fan and you're out in the world, you can quickly self-regulate. It's such a difference. You can self-regulate and change and intentionally start broadcasting your field out and you can literally watch the energy change around you. It is fascinating to witness. That's it for today. It's big, it's a lot, it's a lot to take in.

Speaker 1: 26:28

And maybe listen to it again and ask yourself if it feels true for you, with your ow, your original wounding, how does it feel to know that that outer critic or that the criticisms you took as being criticisms, you turned them inward and you internalized those criticisms and they started coming from you and it's really a way of protecting ourselves in the world so we're not hurt. If we're hurt so deeply for being who we are, then, yeah, there must be something wrong with that. We don't want to be hurt in the world, but now you're hurting the world by not being who you are, because your field work is the most important work there is to do. Taking responsibility for our own energy and how we show up in the world is the most important work that we do. And especially if you're a healing practitioner sound healers I'm launching my sound healing training that.

Speaker 1: 27:31

You are the first instrument and the first thing to do is to get your transmission right, because you are broadcasting your energy into the field and into the fields of everybody there, and I don't want it to be my energy that I broadcast. I want it to be source energy that I broadcast through me and me, as me. I'm the vessel, I'm the channel for it. All right, my loves. I challenge you today to go play, find a way to just let yourself authentically express however it is that feels like it wants to come out of you. And, of course, I invite you to do a class with me at Vibology. I have some classes launching later on this month, january, and then my new studio Space Grand Opening will be next month, in February if you're in Arizona, and there'll be more to come about. That Last words of the Buddha we're make of yourself a light. Let us all aspire to make of ourselves a light so that we can light the way for others. See you next week. Bye.